April 16th, 2012

(no subject)

I have a sleeping disorder. I've had it all my life, and it's mostly just tedious. There are certain facts that go along with it that are just a part of my life and always have been.

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For one thing, I never just fall asleep at night. You know how sometimes, after a long day, you're sitting on the couch trying to watch television and your eyes just start to close? Or maybe you've actually gotten into bed and are reading a bit before turning out the light and before you know it, you're sound asleep. Yeah, that never happens with me.

Every single night of my life, I make a conscious decision to go to bed, usually because it's getting late. I always read a bit in bed, and every single night, I put the book down and turn off the light because it's getting late and I should go to sleep. There might be nights when I'm tired and know for sure I can get to sleep now, but it's always a decision. If I don't make that decision, I'll just stay up, reading or doing whatever I'm doing.

Until this last year. Suddenly, I can be struck while sitting on the couch and my eyes will start to close of their own accord. If I summon up enough strength of will, I can get up and go to bed, but a lot of times it just feels too good to cuddle up on the couch. The point is, however, that I cannot stop myself from falling asleep.

And this has become really, really aggravating. Because I'm accustomed to getting things done at night and now I can't count on that happening. I don't fall asleep every night, but there's just no rhyme or reason to it, and it puts me off-schedule.

Two nights ago I was over at a friend's house for dinner. I've noticed that frequently an extra glass of wine means I'll fall asleep later, so I watched my intake and switched to club soda early. I was, I swear, dead sober when I left and went back to my house. I settled down on the couch, feeling perfectly peppy, and starting writing. I took a break pretty soon to do some online research, but then somehow didn't go back to the MS. Instead, I brought up a game of solitaire. This is something I frequently do when I need to let something I'm writing simmer a bit before I go back to it. Only instead I started to fall asleep. Did I mention this is really aggravating?

So, okay, the word count for the day was definitely low. Next day I have to work at the bookstore. I was closing, and I've noticed that when that happens, I come home, have something to eat, and then start falling asleep. By then it's usually late enough that I just go to bed. 

So I didn't figure on getting anything constructive done. I came home, made dinner, ate it, and then turned on the TV and picked up a book. Before I knew it, it was nearly two, and there were a couple of things I wanted to look up online. I was still wide awake. So I logged on, started looking, found what I needed and then got involved in looking at a bunch of other stuff that was not really necessary but which I found interesting. Ends up: nearly four before I turned out my light. But no writing, because I figured I was going to fall asleep and I hate falling asleep in the middle of writing.

Really, really aggravating.